So this post is about that negative thing that I mentioned in the other blog that I wanted to write about and get off my chest. It isn't too bad though. I'm mainly going to be writing about these past few months that I've been struggling with not having a car.
Basically a minor problem happened with my car & it just took me way too long to get it fixed. It's so stupid that a minor problem that took only 100$ to fix has caused me so much hell. The main problem is because I don't have a fucking job. I don't have a job because I don't have a reliable vehicle, I can't pass a drug test, there's not many jobs in this small piss poor town, and it's just fucking difficult to deal with. If I could get a job I would do it in a heartbeat. I want to work. I wish I had a reliable vehicle so I could work. This time has just been really rough & I feel like I'm stuck..
So yeah it's kind of pathetic being a 22 year old with no job & still living with my mom but I can't really do anything about that except suffer through it I guess. At least I have accepted that I'm pathetic. But that's not what this post is about.
For the past 6+ months I have been having to walk MILES to town to get food & get cigarettes or whatever. My mom would get a ride from this "friend" of hers to town to get stuff but the lady would only give rides if she was paying gay money (even though the drive is only a mile up the road she would ask for a full tank.) The lady would make my mom feel rushed at the store so my mom couldn't always get everything. We were out of garbage bags for what felt like a long time & were using those small plastic bags you get groceries in as trash bags just because she kept forgetting them in the store or could only go in & buy a few things at a time because she was rushed. Even though her "friend" knew we were struggling she still took advantage of my mother and it pisses me off but fine, whatever that isn't the point of the post either.
For so long I took my car for granted and when you have something like that taken from you it sucks so fucking bad. When you ask a friend for a ride to the store it makes you feel like a bum and when I would walk to town, people would stop in the road & ask if we needed a ride but that made me feel even more like a fucking bum. I never accepted a ride from someone besides one time. Me & Zach had started walking before the rain came, and then halfway to town it starts to pour down rain on us. This man stopped & that's one time I was actually happy someone had asked. I was so thankful for him. He even gave us a ride back home, & even he was surprised that we had walked so far.
I was also very thankful for 2 friends specifically. One of Zach's friends actually let us borrow his truck for a few months, I still have no idea how to thank him for that. He really is a great person. Not many people would ever lend you their vehicle for as long as he did. My other best friend would give me rides to get weed, she would take me to the store, & would smoke with me. She really is a great person too. & an even better friend. I appreciate them so freaking much and they didn't have to help, but they did.
No matter how embarrassing I felt and how crappy I felt about other people seeing me struggle like that, nothing feels better than having a friend that would lend a helping hand when they can. It really makes you feel like you're useless when you can't even drive yourself somewhere to eat.
But I also learned a lot about myself and that's that my body is able. If I'm starving I can walk to feed myself. & that's what I needed to do when Zach's friend needed his truck back. I can't blame him either, because we had already kept his truck for a few months (way longer) when it was only supposed to be a few weeks. We were happy to start walking again because I definitely didn't want to feel like we were keeping someone's vehicle from them.
Those long walks definitely did teach me about struggle & appreciating what you have. I'm glad my body is able. & if my car breaks down again, I know I will be okay because I can walk.
Even though it is kind of irritating when you're walking passed a guy flexing on his Mercedes in town, & he's laughing at your boyfriend saying "ha you walkin bruh?" Even if he didn't mean it that way, it rubbed me the wrong way & pissed me off a little. You don't laugh at someone when you see them walking on the road obviously struggling with something. Or when a guy drives up to a gas station & sees you walking yet asks you for gas money. Like did this guy really just have the nerve to ask us for gas money? For his car.... that he's driving.... and seeing that we don't even have a vehicle. Nope sorry asshole, if I were you I would be happy to even have a car. Why don't you go fucking ask the other guy who was flexing on his Mercedes & laughing at us if he will give you some gas money.
Yes all of this really happened on some of our walks to town. It may have made me mad at the time, but I'm so happy that I got to go on adventures with my man and we got to exercise, even if it was the same roads every time. And like I said, I learned a lot on those long walks. Those long walks were good for self reflecting & thinking. So this post was negative but it has a happy ending because I'm moved on now & I'm fine. I got my car fixed and I don't have to walk anymore. It really is one of the best feelings ever.
Now if I can just manage to not let my car Break down😂
