Amazing weed! 💜

The perfect weed for me would be a nugg that weighs 3 grams and tastes minty & earthy. I would smoke it out of a water bong and get really stoned because weed tastes so much better from a bong. Smoking feels like being relaxed yet focused, but if you smoke too much (or do like I did and keep smoking after I'm already high) then you might feel like a potato just sitting on the couch or laying in bed only getting up to eat something lolol. Getting high is actually really fun and it doesn't prevent you from being a functioning human being or make you act stupid because you are using your brain a little more when you smoke weed.
If weed was either legal or cheaper I would smoke so much because I don't care I just like getting high plus I keep smoking after I'm already high and get "fucked up." It's in quotation marks because being fucked up on weed really isn't that bad like for example, getting fucked up on alcohol will make you act differently and sometimes make people belligerent.. I guarantee you that you will get waayyyy more fucked up and rowdy drinking alcohol than smoking weed. Shit, when you're stoned you're most likely going to be a little shy or just have a deep conversation with one of your friends. When you're high you don't want to cause a big scene or even draw a lot of attention to yourself.
I think I'm going to end this blog post here because I really just wanted to express my love to weed. I will smoke it until the day I die, I just love the natural high.

Song of the Open Road

I know I have mentioned this poem before in my blog, but I didn't go into a lot of detail about my favorite parts and verses of it. I personally have spent lots of time on the road myself, whether it be me having a fun road trip or having to drive my mom somewhere I don't want to go, I still always find myself wandering the roads. In Song of the Open Road, Whitman describes the road as a happy place because everyone on the road is adventuring and experiencing the earth instead of being hidden away indoors. I notice this also.. though I don't know if I believe everyone is happy like they were during Whitman's time. This is one of my favorite verses...
"Oh highway I travel! Oh public road! Do you say to me, Do not leave me?
Do you say, Venture not? If you leave me, you are lost?
Do you say, I am already prepared-- I am well-beaten and undenied-- adhere to me?"
Here, Whitman is saying that the road is a concept that you find out for yourself; that the road doesn't have to beg for your attention but it already has your full attention. At least that's how I interpret it and we all read poetry the way we want to read it.. we get what we want out of them. I can relate with Whitman so well in Song of the Open Road because he finds happiness on the road, exploring.. venturing out on a quest. He considers indoors a place of solitude and loneliness where he is stuck with his dark thoughts whereas finds comfort in traveling the road. In this next verse that is explained this is what he says..
"Oh public road! I say back, I am not afraid to leave you-- yet I love you!
You express me better than I can express myself ;
You shall be more to me than my poem."
and that verse just spoke to me. I cannot relay Whitman's message, because I am getting what I want out of it so I'm not going to try to explain the meaning behind this.. but I can say that I often use driving as a way to forget my problems and think about life so this is the way it spoke to me. Traveling is the best stress reliever and you can learn a lot about yourself along the journey. Okay, onto the next verse..
"From this hour, freedom!
From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,
Listening to others and considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will,
divesting myself of the holds that would hold me."
*Divesting meaning (to rid or free from.)
To me, it sounds like Whitman has just freed himself from something very bad that was holding him back and now he is liberated. He needed the road trip to do some soul searching for himself by meeting new people and hearing their stories. The second line in the verse that reads "From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines" says to me that Whitman has just realized the only limit to discovery was himself and he opened up his mind to a new perspective. Now I am just explaining how this poem speaks to me personally, others may interpret differently. But this next two lines is what I really enjoy, Whitman says..
"I inhale great daughters of space;
The east and the west are mine and the north and the south are mine."
I think the great daughters of space is the earth or the air, that belongs to everyone. When he writes, the east and the south are mine, the north and the south are mine, I interpret that to mean that the earth is mine, yours, ours, everyone's; and those limits and imaginary lines he mentions in the verse before that are the limits that hold us back from adventures on earth. I definitely know the feeling of freedom and liberation when I'm on the road, going anywhere I choose. I'm still trying to figure all of it out but I believe I have it figured out my own way. Poetry is meant to be read in a very personal way and to have many ways of perceiving them so I thought.
The overall feeling and emotion I get from the poem is positive and happy and free, that's why it's one of my personal favorites. It made me happy reading my copy of Leaves of Grass and envisioning Walt Whitman traveling, meeting people along the way of his journey.. It feels like maybe things just haven't changed that much since the 1940's. I think I will come back to this later in a similar blog post.. Until then. Xoxo <3

The Hermit

I find it odd that I almost always pick this Tarot card when I'm not picking The Chariot. I guess in some ways, I am the hermit. Merritt McKinney (Woody Harrelson's character in Now You See Me)  recieves The Hermit card in the beginning of the movie to symbolize his strong emotions and relates to his skill of mentalism & ability to read people's thoughts while also keeping his guard up. I don't think The Hermit is a necessarily bad thing, but it can also mean that you are in need of self-assurance. I downloaded a Zodiac app and this is how The Hermit is described.
In this card the wise elder has come of age. The light in the lantern represents the wisdom he has gained from the experiences he's faced on his life path. His solitude brings solace as he has become more self aware and fulfilled from within. He teaches us that to be alone does not mean to be "lonely."
When this card comes up, you are asked to be self-reliant now and to find your own solutions, but this is a process of growth. Those who take chances on themselves gain wisdom and understanding and also build more opportunities for themselves. 
This card reminds us that there are no easy answers , no one can give us our answers or supply us with peace, happiness, fulfilment, etc. Those things must be cultivated from within and then we attract other people / circumstances to us that are of a higher level to share with.
If you are struggling with what to do just now, look inside yourself and your inner wisdom and make a decision with that inner-knowing-- not merely what you "think" you want or need or what others may think. This card tells you that you are being called upon at this time to live authentically, creating your own destiny.

So what this says to me is that The Hermit doesn't seek satisfaction from anyone, but from themselves and from knowing that loving yourself needs to come first. When it says "he teaches us that to be alone does not mean to be lonely" I definitely feel the same.. loneliness is a concept that we fear, that if we are alone we are trapped in our thoughts, that it would feel better to surround ourselves with toxic people  rather than be alone. We would rather let someone else make decisions instead of bearing the burden of thinking everything through.
More and more people fear being alone as if it is a bad thing but I think you need to have those moments with yourself. You need to think those thoughts through and you've got to think them through by yourself, and form your own solutions & make a decision for yourself rather than someone else. When you have done that and you have a good idea of dealing and coping with those things on your own, then you can open up to someone about your thoughts & seek guidance. If you constantly expect people to give you ideas and guide you to a "better life" then how will you ever learn how to accept those things yourself? How will you form your own thought without the input of someone else?
Guidance is not a bad thing, trust me, we all need guidance from those who are closest to us for support and to help us along the way... but when do you stop and think, "maybe I want to choose my own path?" Do you think that if those who are closest to you won't support you if it's a decision you made by yourself? When you've accepted your own response to a stressful or a tough situation then you can seek the guidance you need to achieve the goal you have set for yourself.
Maybe it's just me who would rather live my life in that way because to me, it just seems like people rely on others so much that it's hard for them to make decisions or form a complete thought on their own.
See the last line of the Tarot reading, "This card tells you that you are being called upon at this time to live authentically, creating your own destiny." This line spoke to me in a way that I could clearly understand and relate to. If you are the one creating your own destiny then you have a better chance for achieving self-love and self-acceptance. When you realize that matters more than anyone's opinion of you, then you can be truly happy and free. When you have achieved that the benefits you will gain will be worth all of the time spent.
There is a common misconception about how introverts are often thought of as aggressive or unhappy but I believe The Hermit has more to offer & has more emotional depth than they are showing on the surface. You see The Hermit as a pessimist but we are really just glad that we're not living life in a simple mind that you see in a lot of people. The Hermit doesn't wish to be negative it simply wants to understand, be understood, and contemplate more important things.
While The Hermit may seem distant or unattached, it is probably just having a deep thought or thinking through solutions to their problems. As a hermit I can say that I am often mistaken for not giving a fuck or being out of my comfort zone when in reality I am just listening to my thoughts and get zoned out, I promise it's not because I don't care about you. When I'm in my own little world inside my mind I tend to drift away from conversation or seem shy but it's only because I'm trying to find insight, inspiration, or I'm searching my thoughts for ideas. After I have done that I feel a great feeling of accomolishment that I was able to form a complete train of thought and then feel satisfaction with myself for deep thinking beyond my own existence. It really is a great feeling, I promise. To me, it feels like being enlightened with inner-knowledge of things that are beyond yourself. When you begin to open your mind and see everything from a different perspective, it really fills you with wonder and curiosity that I cannot quite describe in the right words.
I think I got really insightful and thoughtful in this Blog but my words aren't just empty thoughts. I try to live the way an animal would live, carefree and instinctive with no perception of time. Time is a concept that does not directly have a meaning because it's just time, its just the point where the sun comes up then trades  places with the moon. I cannot accurately reflect on a concept like time so I try to live life on my own time. Make my own time, make my own thoughts, and create myself.. because that is what matters most. Anyways, Goodnight ♡