So tired.

Right now, I'm in computer class and there's nothing for me to do except get on my blog.
I wish I was stoned right now. That's what I need.
Also, I really want a nap. I don't know what I'm going to be doing after school today, but I guess I'll just figure that out, cross that bridge when I get there. I was considering earlier today, going to College City and buying some random school supplies and sharpies and shit like that. That might and might not happen.
Anyways, I really don't see why I'm at school right now. There's nothing to even do. The entire math period, the class just sat there in desks doing nothing. Exam week is taking forever. I don't want to be here one bit.
But, I don't want to go home, either. I'm freezing! I just want to go some place warm. & I really hate going to my boyfriends house now. I actually hate it. Not because of my boyfriend, but because of the little fucking "roommate" that's staying there. So, not going to be going there for a while. And I won't be there and getting irritated by her. I don't care if she thinks I'm rude, she can just go hop on a fucking horse and ride the fuck away from here.

High and Windows 8!

Well, I'm stoned, so what else is there for me to do besides blogging? Yupp, I'm gonna blog about some Windows 8. I'm on my computer right now, and the Windows 8 internet is just way better (works better) than any other computer's I've had. I hope I'm not accidentally posting this to my school blog... Imagine, I'm posting about being high and smoking my weed on my school blog (If I accidentally clicked it) So, I really really hope this post goes to my personal blog.
So, I've decided, that regardless of if I have internet or not at my house, I'm taking my computer home and entertaining myself with it. Even if I have to, I will get my phone, and set up a Wi-Fi hotspot for my computer. Could work, possibly. A phone's internet powering a laptop's. Maybe? That's some theory I've been wondering about but I had never actually tested the theory.
But anyways,
I have been fucking SICK as fuuuuck these past 3 days. I have felt like pure shit. Stuffy ass nose, sore ass throat, and a nasty ass cough. I absolutely hate this kind of sickness! It's actually the worst you can find.
Anyways though, I'm having so many different thoughts run through my head and typing on this keyboard is just really entertaining to me on a certain level.
Excuse me if I oftenly change the subject. There's just so many ideas that I need to get into this blog post, you know?
Anyways, I would just love to be surrounded by cats right now.... that's just really weird for me to say, and it really makes me look like a psychotic cat lady lol. But I just want to go home and spend time with my cats, that's what I mean.
This blog post seems so pointless. I feel like I'm just going on and on about absolutely nothing right now... I feel out of it.
Im definitely having a strange pain in the side of my leg and an even stranger pain in my forehead. I don't really know what's going on with me
Oh, gosh. I want to blog more but I just want to get some sleep, too. so I'm gonna end this pointless, stoned blog post now lol . :)

Blogger and Backgrounds

So, for the longest time, I've been trying to make "improvements" and make my blog look beautiful. That's kind of hard to do when every background I try to upload, is either "file size too large" or  it doesn't fit the page right. It's really irritating. I don't like it... I guess what I got now is acceptable enough to me. At least I got the look I was aiming for.
Anyways, I am in my math classroom and I'm going to be in here for another hour and a half. This sucks. I want to go home more than anything. I want to just go home. I am also running low on cigarettes again. Fuck my life. I have about 4 left. I don't know what I'm going to do, I really don't. I don't know how to quit smoking. I am so addicted.
Oh, there I go again. I made this post about Blogger Backgrounds and I'm just here ranting about cigarettes. I always do this.
Anyways, I'm getting tired of blogging. I might just try to leave school early since I'm really not doing any school work right now. Nothing was assigned.

Life Revolves Around Pictures

There's Instagram, Photobucket, Flickr, and TONS of other "picture" or "picture sharing" websites that pictures get posted billions of times a day. Everyone with a cell phone uses these Apps and Camera and Photo Editors to share with their friends. I am one of those people. I love taking pictures and editing them then posting them. Pictures are great, and now that there's photoshop and ways to edit them, they're so much more advanced now and I think that's why people like it so much.
Anyways, I'll probably post lots of pictures the blog and everywhere else. I love pictures yeahhh

High as fuuuuckkk!

I figured out how to make my blog private, and I've gotten it private to everyone except followers I think. Sooo, that's why I can blog about how hig I am right now! Hahaha. I love blogging.
Anyways, it's so cold outside & in my house! I can barely see straight at all. Everything's extremely blurry. And my eyes are burning. This is crazy, I've never been this high before and weed doesn't usually fuck with my eye sight so I'm trippin.
I wish my boyfriend would text me, but I'm afraid I wont get to talk to him...
Im done. Blogging, this is really hard

Trying to make the blog private

I googled it & basically it said to go to settings & permissions and then you could make the blog private or public. I went to the page on settings but I didn't see what it showed me on Google. I feel like one day, the wrong person is gonna read all through my blog and it will be bad. I don't have time to go through all my blog posts & delete or whatever, nor do I want to do that. I love reading my own things because it sparks more imagination and more ideas for blogs. Maybe Blogger is just too public and too popular. I might just end up creating a new blog on a different website & not telling anyone what my new blog is or just making it private.
I don't want people really seeing these things I've been posting about drugs, getting high, and smoking cigarettes. Because that's a way to get me in trouble and I sure as hell don't want to be in trouble for what I've been posting on my blog. There must be some way I can keep my blog going, but keep it private where no one can read it... if I can't figure out a way, I will probably end up deleting the blog & starting all over again with a new blog on a different site. I've gotten up to 500 something page views. That's a little scary... I don't want 500 people seeing this stuff. I really don't. Because it only takes one person to tell everyone what I've been posting.

Still don't like how it looks .

Blog improvements didn't really work out because I did't even really improve anything on it. I still don't like it. Yesterday, while I was "re-decorating," I was scrolling through many beautiful backgrounds. Apparently, every single background that I liked & saved to the computer, the file size was "too large" and it wouldn't fit. That was SO irritating! I ended up just setteling for this blue one I have now... Even though it's not really the one I like OR want, I guess it's better than nothing. At least it goes well with the blog. But honestly, I'm GOING to keep trying to get a new background no matter what. Even if I have to create it myself.

Okay, anyways, off of that subject,
After being deprived of cigarettes the past few days, I finally got a new pack last night. Very cheap ones, at that. $3.20 for them. Very cheap but actually pretty good.
I guess there's nothing really for me to blog about anymore, so I think I might wrap this up. Unless I can think of something else to add into this.


I'm still at school right now. I'm in my 6th period computer class and it's 2:40 . So close to 3. I'm so glad it's Friday, and I'm going to be sleeping in tomorrow morning since it feels like it's been forever since I've slept in. If only there were more hours in the night.
This daylight savings "extra hour of sleep" doesn't help me that much because I'm still very tired in the mornings. I might just be going to bed too late at night. Who knows?
Here's all the possibilities of why I am tired in the mornings:

• I don't go to bed early enough
• I wake up in the middle of the night to pee to much
• I don't drink any energy drinks/ caffene in the mornings
• I should take showers in the morning instead of at night, (Maybe a shower would wake me up  in the mornings)
• Aaaaaand... I just need to chill the fuck out & quit smoking so much!

Blog Improvements

Changed the background, changed some fonts, and changed some colors up a little bit on this thing. Honestly, I still don't really like it so I'm going to keep making more improvements. That's what I'm going to be doing with my time for the rest of the day.
I'm just glad I have my computer back though. Writing blog posts on my phone was just plain irritating. I still don't have any internet at my house though. :/ I have to either go to my boyfriend's house or either my grandparents. Sorry, but I do not want to have to go to my grandparents every time I want to get on the internet. Fuck that. I'm fine right here at my boyfriend's house. This is probably what I will be doing when he's at work. It's actually a very good pass time until he gets off everyday. I don't see how I didn't think of this before. Blogging. Ah, so fun, sort of. It's one of the things I enjoy doing on the internet. But anyways, I am going to wrap up this blog post and continue working on improving the appearance of the site.

Inner Emotions...what the fuck?

So basically me and some friends are like really high. My friend just told me that marijuana can make you feel stronger inner emotions. That causes you to go into a deep thought. So deep in thought that you don't know what's going on around you. That's what people call "zoning out." He just said he knows people that get high & become a really bad smart-ass. Like sarcasm. He said it was really bad. I think he is really high just by the way he's talking, not remembering things he said, and him getting words confused. 

He also mentioned that when you're into a really deep high, that if there's music playing around you, your mind can literally get lost in the music to the point to where you've basically left real life and real life does not affect you. I find it crazy that he knows all of this because he is describing all the effects from marijuana that I get. 

Anyways, I'm getting a little bit tired of blogging this. I need something better to do with my phone. 

Drawing

I wish Photobucket wasn't blocked from this wifi I use at school. I made my Photobucket when I was 13 (back when Instagram wasn't popular yet) so all my pictures went on Photobucket. Old old old pictures. I love looking back on them. 

But what does that have to do with the drawing? I'll tell you. Because I wanted to put the picture of my drawing on my Photobucket but oh wait. It's blocked -.- 

My drawing. My picture. This is officially a copyright. 

I'm a candy crush super star ! Lmao

So, today I just got to level 100 on candy crush. Some people might be impressed but other people have made it to the 200's. haha. I feel so cool about it because I had to play this game sooo much to get to that level. Candy crush pretty much irritates me a lot. I don't even really know why I play it so much. Especially if I'm stuck on one level. I get really pissed off at this game haha. 

Another thing I've noticed is the story line in candy crush is ADORABLE ! Haha. I love just watching the story line more than ever.

But anyways, I'm going to bring this blog post to a conclusion now because I am tired of typing. 

Like I was saying...

For some reasons sometimes, I get excited over office supplies. Such as highlighters, bright colored markers, paper, and things like that. I got some new pens today with different colors. I love them, they're perfect for school. I'm gonna have the prettiest pens ever! And I just re read that and realized how much of a nerd I just sounded like. Getting happy over some pens. Hahaha wow. I'm very stoned at the moment so I don't even know if I'm quite making any sense in this post. Probably not. But my kitten is showing my affection by massaging me with his paws :) like all cats do. It is actually very relaxing. I love my kitten right now. Gosh, I wish I was on Ask.fm right now. I could answer some hella good questions! Not this stupid blog, that I know people don't read. Well, I'm stoned and I'm gonna go to sleep in a few minutes because I'm gonna pass the fuuuck out ! Haha dueces. 

High Night

Currently very high right now. I smoked some loud. It was called Fruity Pebbles. I don't get it but anyways I'm laying in bed with my sweetheart, Cali. Cali is a cat btw! And she's so adorable :)

Thoughts.

Lets constantly talk about horses. Lets constantly talk about working. Lets constantly talk about vehicles and how much better my car is than yours. No. I can't even stand to be listening to this ALL THE DAMN TIME. Lets not ever change our conversations. Lets talk about the SAME THINGS every single day. Lets wake up and go to bed with the SAME THINGS on our minds every night and day. Lets not be concerned about ANYTHING else but working. This is just the biggest reasons why I don't like coming here. This is why I don't like being around any of these people because they're ALL concerned about nothing but WORK. I can't put myself around a bunch of workaholics like this. It's mentally frustrating and exhausting to have to listen to the same bullshit every day about working and horses and vehicles. Is that really all you can think about? Is it really that important? I guess I would rather sit alone somewhere away from EVERYONE instead of sitting there listening to that crap. It's the only thing I hear about every single day. There's no change. No change in anything. Not even change in conversations. And that's pretty damn bad. I just don't see how people can go living their life focused on work all the time. I don't even wanna think about getting a job anymore because everyone has completely ruined it for me. I am not a lazy girl. I'm not. But I'm not getting a job like everyone else has because I don't want to end up like everyone else I've seen. Too involved in their job. I don't want to live my life like that. You can't lie and say you love what you do when your job is obviously stressing you out big time. 

Why I don't post often anymore

I'm seriously thinking I need to make this blog private... Yes, I love being able to post what I'm thinking from my phone so if I don't want to get pen and paper and write it down in a journal or something. Yes, I like having blogger on my phone. It's great. I just don't think that it should all be public where anyone can read it.

I have noticed that I have a follower now, and it's very strange that I don't even know who the follower is, they're just kind of a random person who found my blog somehow and then decided to follow me. Or something like that. But I don't really know. All I know is that a lot of my posts on here are about OLD past boyfriends. Mainly one ex boyfriend in particular. But the thing is, I don't want to have crap like that in my blog anymore... I'm through with all of it and it's basically just the past now and it doesn't exist anymore. I don't feel like my past is that important to me anymore. I feel like all this blog is to me is like a computer journal where I'm just basically posting my thoughts to the Internet. But I don't want my thoughts published for people to see. That's very stupid of me to have left it public where people can see for so long.

Pass Time !

Okay so this happens to me all the time. All week, I've been looking forward to Zach coming down to see me and he is coming down later at about midnight or sometime around then (: and whenever Wessam gets out of his class at 10:00. Okay, so change that. It takes about 4 hours to get here from Florida so they should be getting here around 2 am. Rough estimate. But anyways, I'm soooooo excited that they're coming because it seems like forever since I've seen Zach and I just can't wait at all to see him. I just need to find some way to pass about 10 hours until he gets here. lol damn this is going to take forever I know. I'm just still trying to figure out how to pass the time where I can see him. Right now I'm watching movies. A few hours have passed, so watching movies is one thing that helps. Oh I'm also blogging, duh. But I think watching movies are gonna work better. :) I know once he gets here it's going to be so amazing that I'm gonna get to see him again!
But yeah, anyways I think I'm done writing here for now. haha

Count Down

So, I went online today and created a countdown timer until my birthday. I have 33 days... I am becoming more and more impatient. 33 days can seem like a hell of a long time, I know. I don't even think it will even be specail by the time my birthday gets here. And what if things don't go as I plan? I don't know. What if I can't hold out long enough? What if I go insane waiting? I just know once I can get my drivers license, things will get a lot better. Especially this summer. When I'll have more places to go...(maybe) but I don't know. I'm scared to even look forward to it because it might not even be everything I thought it would be.

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Watching Jenna Marbles.

Right now, I 'm just chillin watching Jenna Marbles haha. And it's cool because my brother's Xbox can watch YouTube on his TV and it's very entertaining :)

He's Always With Me. Like A Bad Habit.

Maybe if I could just find someone else, and get a new boyfriend, maybe I could forget about him and move on with my life. I don't know but I'm just feel like shit about literally everything right now. It still hurts me that he just gave me up like he did. I still have really bad depression that gets even worse sometimes when I think about him. I've accepted most of the fact that I probably meant nothing at all to him, and I've pretty much accepted that he will probably find someone else and he probably already has, I've accepted it. For the most part. I'm just still trying to figure out just what to do about it though. Find someone else? Someone that won't compare to how happy he made me always. Reach out for Hunter? I don't think he will ever want to talk to me again. Not that I blame him. If someone broke my heart, made me think there was something wrong with me, and just left without saying a word, I wouldn't want to talk to them again either....
I'm just starting to regret a lot right now. This is probably the worst thing I have ever went through in my life. This is the only situation that I have no idea what my next move will be. This is the only situation where I don't even really care what happens to me. It doesn't even really matter. There isn't really anything I can do about anything anyways.
It's like this... my heart has been broken before. A few times actually. But never like this. I always somehow knew that I would be okay. Somehow I knew that things would be better in the future. I had feelings that things would always make a comeback and karma would make me happy again.. It's not like that this time. This time I can't think on a positive note. I just don't understand why things are so different this time. Maybe I really loved Gavon. But I don't think that's how it is. I think my pride might be hurt for trying. I put a lot of effort into a relationship that he didn't even care about. I think that would hurt anyone. I just hope he wasn't the one that got away.
Something else that's been on my mind is the fact that there's nothing really in my life. There's no balance. It's just me living, sleeping, getting on computer. There's nothing to really look forward to. The only balance I can think of is in the future. Far ahead in the future. To when I'm living on my own. Maybe married. Maybe with children. I can imagine getting a job, buying a house, and maybe getting some sort of hobby. I can see my future. I just don't see a husband right now. Right now, I'm only 15, I'm not a psychic or anything, I can't predict everything that happens to me. I know that in about 10 years, I'm not going to be in the same place I'm in now. By then, I will have met a lot of other people, gone other places, possibly gone to college too. I'm going to have a different life and time is constant. Things are almost 100% certain to change, and that's what I've learned in my 15 years. I've already learned that and I haven't even been here that long. Things can change for the best or for the worst. So the only thing there is to do is hope for the best. Maybe I can actually get something out of life.
But I guess since it's too early to tell right now, I'll just try to pull through this depression in the meantime. Maybe soon enough, I won't feel so alone and won't feel the need to be depressed about and won't feel the need to think about the things that make me depressed. I know it will be hard, and there won't be any ease at all in trying to find peace. I'm not expecting there to be any.
I'm only hoping I won't make the same mistakes ever again.