Gavon broke up with me. It ended pretty quietly. There isn't really much to say about it now, because, well, it's over and done with, but, he really crushed me. He made me really happy, and he gave me such a feeling of security and life. I felt like I was a different girl. I felt like I had found someone that I could actually feel comfortable with. Someone that I was compatible with. Someone that I would easily be able to open up to and tell all my secrets to. I guess for me, that's hard to find. Someone who I actually believe cares. Which, for me, at that time, I thought it was him.
At the time I met him, I was feeling really alone in my life. I felt like I didn't really have anyone. I was really lonely. We talked. I can't even remember what about, but we had really nice conversations. I thought so anyways. He went with me to get my second tattoo, you know, as a hand to squeeze if it started to hurt. That's exactly what ended up happening, too. Next thing I knew, I was going to his house and staying all day, and the days that followed were the same.
He told me he wanted to be with me, and I should have listened to my first instinct and said no. I should have just let the whole thing go. I always knew, somehow, that the relationship would end one way or another. I knew that I was a weak person and a hopeless romantic. So I gave him a chance because part of me wanted to have the experience and that rush of having someone new. It was actually really great, while it lasted. But everything has an ending.
Later on, we started getting into fights. I got depression and started becoming more distant from everyone. Including Gavon. I didn't mean for things to ever seem like I had done something wrong, and I didn't mean for things to get as bad as they did, but I know that if he would have just given me a chance, I could have fixed things. Maybe I couldn't have fixed everything but I most certainly could have fixed the fighting and the depression. My depression had slightly subsided, enough to the point to where my mood was better and I wasn't feeling so distant. I guess that wasn't enough.
I know if he would have just gave it a chance, and just tried to work things out, that maybe things would be different. But he didn't. And I guess that's what hurts me the most about it. If he really cared about us, and if he really cared enough, he would have given it a chance. He gave up on me. He gave up on our relationship. Like it was nothing.. Like it meant absolutely nothing to him at all. I guess that's what happens when you fall in love. You can go on for the longest time, SAYING you're so truly happy with a person, but then, in the end of it all, someone decides to take the easy road. Someone decides that they want something different. When they realize that, they won't change their mind. They won't even make an attempt to make things right because, in their mind, that's the cause of all their problems. The main ones in the relationship that do this is the guys. Why? I'll never really understand it.
I can't say that my heart is broken.. because when your heart is broken, you actually care, right? But, in this case, I just don't care... at all. I don't really care about anything anymore. It doesn't matter all that much to me weather Gavon is here with me or not. I don't think it would change the emptiness that I'm feeling.
I guess I'm just really trying to focus on the future. My life is not over, and I still have time to find someone. One day, I think that I'll find deep, meaningful love one day. It won't be from Gavon, but it will be from someone who really loves me and it will be from someone who knows what is right and what is wrong in a relationship. I'm just hoping that this will all get better in time and maybe I won't think about it. I hope one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore. Maybe one day I'll have found a man that will love me forever. But I guess that it doesn't even really matter... not right now anyways. But anyways. it's about 3 am, and I'm beginning to get really tired. I'm going to get some sleep and so I guess I'm finished writing this blog post.
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